How to talk to your adult children about your will

Discussing your will with your adult children probably doesn't sound like a fun conversation but doing so can help manage expectations and prevent conflict down the line.

It's especially important if you think your kids might be surprised by something in your will. It gives you the opportunity to explain your wishes while you're still here, so they're more likely to understand and respect them after you're gone.

Easier said than done, of course. Here are some tips to help you navigate the conversation.

Set a time and place

Don't spring the conversation on your kids without warning. Let them know in advance that you'd like to discuss your will, and choose a calm, private setting. Avoid bringing it up during holidays or family gatherings, where emotions can run high. This shouldn't be a rushed conversation. Make sure there's enough time to cover everything and answer questions.

Be honest and open

Being straight with people heads off misunderstandings. Explain what you have decided and why, and do not gloss over anything you think might land badly. Ambiguity tends to breed resentment.

If you think some of your choices might be controversial, say so directly. Explain your reasoning, and make clear that these are your wishes and you hope they will be respected.

Discuss key roles and responsibilities

Let your children know about any roles you'd like them to play, such as executor, caregiver, or guardian, and confirm whether they're willing and able to take them on. This gives them a chance to opt out now, while you still have time to make alternative arrangements.

Set realistic expectations

Give your children a general sense of what to expect. If there are any uncertainties—such as assets that may be sold or debts that will need to be settled—let them know. Avoid creating false expectations, which can lead to disappointment or resentment later.

Provide access to important documents

Make sure your children know where to find key documents, including your will, insurance policies, and financial statements.

Encourage questions

Give your children the space to ask questions and express their feelings. Try to address their concerns openly rather than brushing past anything uncomfortable.

Get professional help if you need it

Family dynamics and finances do not always mix well. If you are worried about handling the conversation, an attorney licensed in your state or a professional mediator can help run the discussion and explain anything complicated.

There is no legal requirement to discuss your estate plan with your children. Doing it can save a lot of confusion later. It gives them the chance to hear your reasoning from you, instead of filling in the blanks once you are gone, and to take in any surprises with a clear head.

Taking the next step

You can write or update your will online with EveryWill, and it costs you nothing. Charities cover the cost, and you can choose to leave a gift to one if it feels right.

Schedule a free consultation with an estate planning attorney today.

The information provided in this article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Laws vary by state. For advice specific to your situation, please consult a licensed attorney in your state.